Hyrum's Greatest Hits

Hyrum and Max are my dear friend Sarah's boys. Sarah and I have been friends since high school, of the close variety, such that I am Auntie Hannah and given to call the boys my nephews. Do technicalities matter? They do not.

Max is two months old today. His entire purpose in life right now is to be adorable. Unfortunately, he can't do that verbally yet. But Hyrum can! Oh, Hyrum can. Here are some of my favorite things about Hyrum (in no particular order, because how could I put them in order?).

1. He makes the sound of a whipped cream spray-can and says, "I need to eat some whipteam."

2. He points to "Al-a-BAMA," "Teckas," and West Virginia (I haven't heard him say our state's name yet) on the map.

3. He says, "Roll Tide!" when I prompt him. I'm hoping he'll start doing it anytime someone mentions Alabama, but he looked skeptical when I told him that was the thing to do.

5. He plays with Sarah's hair and says things like, "Flying a kite! Flying a kite in Mommy's hair!" and "Yightbub in Mommy's hair!"

6. He lets me read to him. A little.

7. He rubs balloons on his head. I taught him that, because aunties are in charge of teaching silly things.

8. He says, "Jeeeesus!" with glee anytime he sees a picture of Him.

9. He "needs" "somdat! [some of that]." A lot. Most frequently: "I need somdat iceteam!" "I need somdat cake!" "I need somdat whipteam!"

10. He LOVES books.

11. Birthday parties and deserts are pretty much his priorities. Yesterday, I was showing him pictures on my phone (looking at mobile pictures is one of his great hobbies) of another friend's daughter at her first birthday party. When I put my phone away, he said, "I want to see the cake."

12. He puts on one boot (I believe it belongs to Aunt Hannah--Sarah's sister) and stomps with vigor around the house.

13. He wears a Spiderman hat and asks to play baseball.

14. He shoots baskets with pretty much any round object he can find.

15. Yesterday, Sarah was teaching him states on his big map. When she pointed to and said, "Mississippi," he said, "I need to sing about the cup." She asked him what cup, and he said, "Mississippi." He thinks Mississippi is a sippy cup!

16. Sarah told me that when I left yesterday, he said, "I want to pat her! She go out! Auntie Hannah in...AlaBAMA!" Is there anything cooler than the first time a kid calls you by name? There isn't.

17. He hands out diapers "for Baby Max."

18. I don't know if he does this any more, but he used to make the sound of a clock by clicking his tongue. Evidently, a clucked "tick-tock!" was one of his first words.

19. He knows his Auntie Kaitlin and I are connected (Sarah, Kaitlin, and I are a close-trio. We call ourselves SaKaHa). When he saw me, he immediately said, "'Poons!" Evidently Kaitlin brought some the last time she visited.

20. He likes to pick his own clothes. Evidently the Elmo shirt I bought is very popular.

On careers

Presumably, you either believe or have heard others espouse the belief that teachers don't need to get paid more because we don't work full time anyway. I will deal with the fallacy of that belief another time.

That conception makes me angry for many reasons, but there is one reason in particular. As I watch commercials, read websites, and listen to the radio, I observe a startling cultural trend: apparently, it's now okay to not work at work. Phone companies explain that customers can stream games on their phones at work. Websites talk about things people do "instead of working." I haven't made a list of specific examples of this (I could if you want me to, I guess), but I've seen and heard sufficient examples to get the impression that this not-working-at-work business is some sort of an accepted and humorous thing. Obviously, this disturbs me for several reasons, but I will deal with those another time, too.

However.

I am left wondering: are these they same people who believe teachers don't work full-time? I can't speak for every teacher out there, but I can speak for myself.* When I show up on campus at quarter of eight (yes, quarter of eight), I START WORKING. When I'm at work, I DO MY JOB. When I'm not in front of a classroom, I'm in my office, grading, lesson planning, and/or meeting with students. I'm doing the things I'm paid to do.

This is not to say that I want a job where I get to not do anything. No. I love my job. One day I may write a post about my extensive love for teaching, but not today. For today you're just going to have to take my word for it: I have a great passion for teaching. It is the perfect career for me. I don't want to stop teaching and start sitting in an office taking quizzes about whether or not he's that into me (ironically, of course) instead of doing my job. I kind of want other people to stop doing that, although I suppose it's not really my business. I definitely want society as a whole to stop thinking that it's perfectly acceptable for office workers to neglect their work but that teachers work part time and should thus be paid less.

*Some people seem to believe that professors' jobs are especially cushy. I do perceived tenured research I jobs as quite cushy, but I'm not going to guarantee that they are. Certainly, a job with a heavy teaching load is not cushy.

Oh, hey.

I still have a blog. I assure you that many things have happened since the end of March. For example:

After ten rejections, I decided not to pursue a PhD yet. I took myself off of UA's waiting list. It was a hard but ultimately good decision.

I attended the PCA/ACA conference for the second year, and it was wonderful.

I defended my thesis. It was, bar none, one of the worst experiences of my life, but I passed.

A tornado ripped through Tuscaloosa, but I was not affected. Good.

I finished my degree. Not very successfully, mind you, but I'm still finished. Roll Tide.

I got a summer job back at the library where I worked in high school and on school breaks. It is absolutely wonderful to back. I love my coworkers.

I got a real job teaching five sections at Shepherd, our local college. I am nervous about teaching literature, but all around very excited.

I moved back in with Mom and Dad. This is free and therefore fine, although I do miss living alone sometimes.

I will probably write more about the teaching as it happens. For now, there are two things I actually want to tell you about. I promise not to do this ad nausea.

First, I started the Couch to 5k program, and it is pretty amazing. I can't quite keep up with the workout pace on here (I should be on week 6 but am still on week 4; I'm really out of shape!), but I'm still amazed by how far I've come. I never would have imagined I could jog a half mile, even really slowly, without stopping. And I especially never thought I would enjoy it! It's very hard, and I sound like a German shepherd in heat, but I like it. I dream of having 13.1 and 26.2 stickers on my car one day, and I actually think it's a possibility now. I am dangerously close to becoming one of those "OMG I GOT FIT IT WAS SO AMAZING" tear-jerking and ridiculous stories on Weight Watchers or something. (I'm not on Weight Watchers. But you know.)

Second, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 was wonderful. I cried like I haven't cried since Milk. I need to see it again (and again and again and again), but it's in the running to be my favorite of the films.

Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen

If you know the musical "Hair," you of course know the title song. I wish to clarify that this is not entirely how I feel about my hair. I have always willingly had it cut, and I don't want it greasy or a home for assorted insects and avians. I do, however, miss it being long and flowing, and I wish it would grow back faster. The last time I had it cut very short, it grew about a foot in two years. I think that is probably its rate this time, too, but I keep forgetting that a) my most recent haircut was much more drastic than the one I got in '08 and b) this time it's layered. I am still impatient for it to grow back, though. I miss having a fuller bun and long braids.

On the upside, as it approaches inferno-heat in Alabama and I switch from pants to skirts, the short hair does keep people from assuming I'm Pentecostal (not that there's anything wrong with that!).

A Rant

I have a lot of rants. Perhaps I should do a weekly rant. (Don't worry, I'm joking.) Today's rant is adults who say "yummy" and "yucky."

WHY?!

Is your vocabulary so small that you have no other words to describe the quality of a food's flavor? Or is it that our society inexplicably (and disturbingly) fetishizes second childhood? Which, I suppose, is a fair thing to do. We insist on robbing our children of their childhoods the first time around, marching them about in political campaigns and sexualizing them the second they're born, so that's probably why we think it's fine for forty-year-old women to tell their girlfriends they've made a "super yummy dinner."

It's like nails on the chalkboard, y'all.

Words, Words, Words

I feel like I don't write enough on my blog, but I don't really have that many topics to discuss. Earlier, I began a post about my thesis progress, but I deleted it because I want you to continue reading my blog.

So this is what I will talk to you about: the new OED site. I disliked the old one less. I still like the print version the most, and I'm really sad that they aren't printing it anymore. Since I can't have the print one (does Gorgas have the print one? Does anyone know? I used it pretty often as an undergrad), I want to go back to the old online one that I knew my way around.

Also, I wish the MED people would hurry up and finish. Also, I wish I had that in print.

Oscars!

First and most importantly, I am so thrilled that The King's Speech won. Such a beautiful film.

Also, I hope James Franco fails his dissertation defense. I like Anne Hathaway. Especially when she sang "On My Own." Hugh Jackman's year was my favorite Oscar opening of all time. I appreciated the reference.

I didn't see The Fighter, but if Melissa Leo's acceptance speech skills are any indication, there is no reason for her to keep winning. She gave the worst imaginable speech for the Globes, the SAGs, and the Oscars. How was she stunned to win the Oscar? She won the last two. Modesty does not become her. She looked like a blibbering idiot.

Harry Potter does not get enough credit. Helena Bonham Carter is a gorgeous woman. That is all. Over and out.

Seynt Valentynes Day

I have a confession: I love Valentine's Day. I am female and single, and I love Valentine's Day. Then, I also love being single, so it doesn't depress me, as some obnoxious person (probably male) has decided to tell society it's supposed to.

So, in the spirit of the holiday, I have some lists o' LURRRRRVE (that's to indicate all these regard romantic love). (Lists, incidentally, are something I love.)

Favorite couples:

Ruth Jameson and Idgie Threadgoode -- Fried Green Tomatoes

Rupert Giles and Jenny Calendar -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Gregory House and Lisa Cuddy -- House

Willow Rosenberg and Tara Maclay -- Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Katharine Widmer and Isabelle Stephenson -- Annie on My Mind

Favorite romantic movies:

The King and I

Fried Green Tomatoes

Big Fish

Love Actually

Sense and Sesnsibility

Favorite love quotes:

"For ever it was, and ever it shal bifalle,/ That love is he that alle thyng may binde;/ For may no man for-do the lawe of kinde." -- Geoffrey Chaucer, Troilus and Criseyde 1.236-239

"'I want us to be a couple of passionless old ladies someday together, too,' she said, 'sitting in rocking chairs, laughing over how we couldn't get enough of each other when we were young...'" -- Annie Kenyon in Nancy Garden's Annie on My Mind

"Since love grows within you, so beauty grows. For love is the beauty of the soul." -- St. Augustine

"I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight and a half years ago. Dare not say that a man forgets earlier than a woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, weak and resentful I have been, but never inconstant." -- Captain Frederick Wentworth to Anne Elliot in Jane Austen's Persuasion.

"There you are with your hair all down, and your feet are bare, and your cotton gown: what a beautiful sight in the moonlight." -- Joe Diffe, "In Another World"

So there you have it. It's true. I am, in fact, a girl.

Hot-blooded

I am watching Julie and Julia. Have you seen it? It's lovely. One of Julie's readers just sent her hot sauce.

What I'm saying is, if you really like my blog and want to send me hot sauce, feel free.

Printing

That's what I'm doing right now. Printing four chapters of Digby's Broad Stone of Honour. It is the hugest PDF in the history of PDFs, averaging about 30 seconds a page to print. That may not seem like much, but it's about 150 pages. I'm fairly certain they're going to kick me out of the computer lab and/or that I'm going to break the ever-fragile Morgan computer lab printer. This better be good.

Is blogging a positive use of my time whilst sitting, waiting for my 150 pages of 1820 medievalism? No. But I have many good excuses for this.

1. I could do my progress reports for my student athletes, but my gradebook is at home, so I can't adequately report their absences.

2. I could be working on one of the two chunks of thesis I need to have finished next week. However, my notebook is downstairs in the lounge, and I don't want to abandon the lab in case somehow, miraculously, this finishes. [Dear archive.org, WHY DID YOU SCAN THIS INTO A PDF IN COLOR?!] Also, I need two articles, which the printer cannot give me until it finishes spitting out instruction to Victorians for being lovely and chivalrous.

3. I want to tell you about Black Swan. I hated it. Possibly more than The Kids Are Alright. At least I only spent a dollar to see the latter. I spent $8.50 on the former. I do not understand why anyone likes it. I didn't think it was smart, or cerebral, or beautiful, or touching, or anything else. I thought it was cliche and dull and gratuitously gory. At one point I actually said, "Oh, come on," and when it ended, I said, "Thank God." I still can't believe it was only two hours long. I think I sat in that theater for a week and a half. I don't recommend seeing it, and I really don't know why it has so many nominations.

4. I want to tell you how much I *loved* The King's Speech, lest you think I am just a whiney movie hater. It was a beautiful and touching movie, full of people I love. Admittedly I am an Anglophile, but a friend who is not an Anglophile (she even studies American literature, which is a special kind of crazy) said the same thing. So I feel reasonably confidence that it is neither my bias towards England nor my intense crush on Helena Bonham Carter speaking here. For that matter, Her Majesty also liked it. I think it should win everything.

5. I'd like to do G. Chauc's fab-libbe, but I haven't enough blank paper to write down my responses.

6. Thursdays are lazy days. I tend to sleep late on Thursdays, and when I sleep late, I can't get any work done. I just can't. (Although this bleeding printing is, technically, work that needs to get done. Fuck the environment! I'm an English major!) Today I slept till 9.45, largely because I was having a really excellent dream, so every time my alarm rang, I went back to sleep.

7. Why don't I tell you about my excellent dream? I don't remember all of it, but I'll tell you what I do remember. I'm afraid there isn't a cohesive narrative arc.

My mail, instead of getting sent to my apartment, was all arriving in my campus mailbox. It was quite exciting to walk into the office and find a care package from my mother. There was not, however, an acceptance letter from Vandy, which is all I really care about these days. We were having our classes in a hotel, the sort of hotel in which one has conferences, so it was reasonably conducive to classes. I was in a class being taught by either my crazy Aunt Bitch or my friend Pia. Not that Pia is in anyway similar to my crazy Aunt Bitch. Although they do have similar laughs, only, you know, one is bitchy. So maybe my subconscious conflated them.

Rupert Giles also taught at UA. Not Anthony Head, mind you. The actual character of Rupert Giles. He was dating my thesis director, which would be pretty improbably in real life since a) he's fictional and b) she has a husband. Fortunately, I woke up before Angel could show up and murder my director. (I will ask Dr. Freud later about the significance of a subconscious fear that one's director will have her neck snapped by a recently de-souled vampire.)

Then we (the UA English grad students) were preparing to perform a stage adaptation of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I'm fairly certain I was playing Harry, so I don't quite know why I was putting on copious amounts of eyeliner. Especially since I was lining both my eyes and my lips with it. (Not just the standard amount of eyeliner one wears onstage, but enough so the audience would clearly see that I had well-lined orifices.) Then Voldemort shows up (like he always does, right? Such a drag), passing (not very well!) as a young Russian bride. He was trying to crash my friend Tiffany's wedding, which was (obviously) happening simultaneously. We did not immediately recognize him (her, as we thought then) as Voldy, but I watched him putting on his makeup (for, you know, all brides wear heavy costume makeup), and I saw a green contact fall out, revealing red slit-like eyes. Dead giveaway, dude. But he was really quite charming and didn't try to kill us. He even gave us some cupcakes, which fellow grad student Nic enjoyed heartily.

There was also an incident with rotten cucumbers. But that's probably because I threw away some rotten cucumbers last week.

Well, my Digby's all printed! I hear you sigh in relief.

And the title was dumb, too.

All my other blog-having friends are posting posts and making me feel like a slacker. So I'm giving you a Very Important Post.

The Kids Are Alright is a terrible movie. It was boring as all get out. It's supposed to be a comedy, but I laughed twice. And one of those laughs was a snort. I think it's only getting nominations because it would be politically incorrect not to nominate it. (Remember how angsty everyone was when Crash beat Brokeback Mountain?) The acting was fine. I'm cool with Annette Benning's Globe. She was good. She's a good actress. So is Julianne Moore. But the story! I get the importance of making the point that sexuality is a continuum. I get that everyone has different ways of making the point that we're all just like you, and maybe buying into the assumption (fantasy? whatever) that lesbianism is a controllable choice seemed like the best bet to this writer. I get that following stereotypes, like the station wagon and the butch/femme (kinda) couple is probably a good idea until homophobes get the fuck over themselves. What I don't get is why they didn't make it more interesting. I mean, that thing dragged; I thought it would never end. I was really glad when it did. (Although Julianne Moore does have really great legs.)

Also, I made brownies. They were tasty. I am unlikely to do this often. It required lots of things I never use, like real butter and real sugar. And a hand mixer.

Aren't you glad I posted? I know you are.

The Top Ten Reasons I Love Christmas

Yesterday, a friend asked me why I love Christmas. She doesn't, and would like to learn to. This got me thinking. The obvious answer was, "IT'S CHRISTMAS! Duh!," but since I teach composition, I know full well how invalid this argument is. So I started thinking. Why do I love Christmas? Here are some of the reasons.

1. I'm very crafty. I come from a really artistic family, and some of my earliest memories are of making things by hand. All year, I get to make cards; two other friends and I send each other homemade cards each month. I also make Valentine's Day cards. This year, I decided to make Christmas cards. I'm very picky about cards and couldn't find the kind I wanted to give, so I decided to just make them. All that card-making energy I don't use the rest of the year gets to go into Christmas! How fun.

1.2. I also enjoy making gifts. This is particularly useful this year, since I am broke. So I have been needlepointing and beading and collaging to my heart's content. I may also do some fleece scarves/blankets. Mama and I are going to cross-stitch a sampler at home, as well. Next year I hope to learn how to knit, especially since I am at the age where every person I have ever met is procreating.

2. I love giving gifts, whether I've made them or not. LOVE. As a kid, I never had souvenirs after vacation because I bought so much stuff to give other people. (Mostly, I am still like this.) Sometimes, though, giving gifts without occasion can be awkward. People feel indebted or suspicious. Christmas is an excuse to give and give and give!

3. I really like traditions. This is part of the reason I am Episcopalian now. Very traditional service. Even though I don't live with my parents anymore, I can still reminisce on all our traditions. There was one I invented (my mother believed in such things) that involved candles. I don't remember it exactly. I know it required one each of green, red, silver, and gold tapers. We lit a new one each Sunday (this was, of course, loosely inspired by my grandmother's Advent wreath), and each represented something Nature-y, I believe. I know green was trees and silver was snow. I'm inclined to say red was either fire or love (which is not technically Nature-y). I have no idea about gold. Beauty, probably. As far as I know, my mother still tries to find candles in these colors each year. That was one of the coolest things about growing up UU. We could invent whatever traditions we wanted.

4. Another cool thing about being UU is an annual collection called Welcome a Guest at Your Table. Each family gets a cardboard box to set on the table, and you drop loose change in. At the end of the collection period (sometime in early January), you return it to the church, and the congregation donates all their collected money to the Unitarian Universalist Service Committee. It's fun as a kid to drop the money in and feel the box getting heavier and heavier, plus you know you're helping kids around the world. I have a box this year; Mama sent me one for nostalgia's sake. One thing I didn't know as a kid is that adults use credit and debit cards a lot and so rarely have loose change. I think my box has about 87 cents. (If you want to donate any change, come on over! I still support the UUSC, even though I am no longer UU).

5. I love singing, and I especially love singing songs full of emotion, which I think Christmas carols are. Even when I wasn't Christian, they were very emotional (although this may have been connected to my desire to be Christian). Some of the secular ones are quite fun, too.

6. I love to wrap gifts! Love it. I love making the packages pretty. I love seeing them all wrapped. I love reminiscing on freezing winter days in the attic of my dad's workshop, wrapping presents. He would light the kerosene heater downstairs, and we would put a space heater upstairs, and eventually it would get warm. We'd turn the radio onto a channel with Christmas carols and sit up there where Mama had created a wrapping station, wrapping and wrapping presents, carrying down armloads of them from the shop to the house. Once we were a little older, we would each have our own day to wrap, since we might be wrapping gifts for each other.

7. Another favorite memory: Mama day and Daddy day in December. One Saturday or Sunday a month, Fiona and I each got our own day to go shopping with Mama so we could get presents for our friends and each other. Whichever of us wasn't shopping got to stay home with Daddy to watch football and the Loggerman Contests (which are AWESOME, PS.)

8. Cooking! I love cooking. So much. Of course I cook all year long, because otherwise I would go hungry. (In fact, as I write this, I have pintos on the stove.) But at Christmas I get to cook a LOT. My sister is not a big cooker because she is lazy. (I'm not being mean. It's true. Call her up and ask her. Lazy.) But that's convenient, because I get to cook breakfast and lunch for her all break, which I enjoy doing. Mostly she just wants bacon, but that's okay, too. And I am responsible for a good amount of Christmas dinner: shrimp and grits, potatoes, dessert (a pecan pie and some kind of cake), and cocktails. By contrast, Dad does the prime rib, Fiona does crescents, Mama does green beans and onions. That's right. I am the star of Christmas dinner.

9. Baking! This is not necessarily the same as cooking, and I actually like cooking slightly more than baking. But I do enjoy baking. The usual menu of baked goods and the old homestead during Christmas is rum balls, bourbon balls, sugar cookies, chocolate chip cookies with nuts, chocolate chip cookies without nuts, cake, brownies, pecan pie. (Did I mention I'll be back home next Sunday? Pretty stoked for some rum balls.)

10. I am a pretty religious Christian. As a kid, of course, I wasn't, because I was UU. But I always wanted to be. I used to pray with my dolls. I didn't actually know how, but I pieced it together from books. One Christmas Eve, I went downstairs with my American Girl doll (Kirsten; I didn't have my Girl of Today yet) and my porcelain doll, Lucy. Kirsten was in her St. Lucia outfit. I looked around to make sure it was all parent-free, and knelt down in front of the armchair. I held Kirsten's little hands together (Lucy was not very posable, but I'm sure her faith was just as strong), and we prayed something along the lines of, "Dear God, thank You for Your Son Jesus who saved us all from sin. Amen," only it was probably much more formal than that. Nowadays I'm a baptized Episcopalian and do believe Christ is our Lord. Of course I don't believe He was actually born in December, but I'm perfectly content to observe His birth in December. I would write more about my faith, but I don't have words for it. You'll just have to trust that I love Jesus. Also, Episcopal midnight Mass (which occurs at 11, interestingly) is a really lovely service.

So merry Christmas, if that's what you celebrate!

First Thanksgiving at My Place!

Every woman remembers the first time she hosted Thanksgiving. (Unless, of course, she has not ever hosted Thanksgiving.) I got to do that for the first time today!

It was not a negative experience, as it seems many of them are. But here are the little travesties that, by the time I'm 40 and jaded and tired of cooking Thanksgiving, I'll have turned into big huge deals. (Someone remind me in 17 years when I'm telling an exaggerated tale of that Thanksgiving in Tuscaloosa that it was fun indeed, and I laughed all of these things off. Though they were slightly embarrassing.)

1. I have trouble with numbers. I apparently also have trouble with dots, as I turned my oven dial to the wrong dot. 275. Not 325. The turkey should have been finished at 3; round about 4.30 I realized this dot-placing problem. And I have to say, I really recommend slow-cooking your turkey, because the white meat was really moist. Just, you know, plan to do it so you can put the turkey in earlier.

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2. I broke the lid to one of my stock pots. Yes. Well, this started with another error. I wanted to put the mashed potatoes on the back burner to stay warm while I cooked the green beans on the front burner, as that's a more active process and reaching over the potatoes seemed illogical. (The gravy was on the other front burner. Boiling over. Somehow the smoke alarm didn't go off.) So I turned the back burner on (medium low!), set the glass lid on it, and turned away to do - God knows what. Something that proves I am, indeed, a Beach woman. Like leaving glass lids on hot burners. Soon I smelled the pre-smoke alarm smell, went to the stove, and realized the slight potato foam on the lid was now scorching. So I went to wash the lid off.

There is glass in my big toe, and two fingers have Band-Aids.

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3. A thumb does as well. Do you know what injured my thumb? A fucking potato eye. That is right. 'Cause when I was a kid, we always used our fingers to dig the eyes out, not that plastic bit on the end of the potato brush. I don't have a potato brush, and as I don't peel my potatoes, there was no need to get out the peeler, even though it has the eye-removing bit. So I got stabbed with a potato eye and started bleeding. (Not on the potatoes. Just on the eyes in the discard bowl.)

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4. I could not find the giblet pack. I finally called my mother and asked where I would find such a thing, since it hadn't been in the cavity with the neck. Then I found these little organ-bits, just not in a bag. So I dug out the giblets with my hand - gross - and put them in the gravy pot with the neck and blood and all.

Then, when I was cutting the turkey up to put away, I found the giblet pack. It was not in the cavity - I am not crazy. It was tucked under that skin flap where the neck was once attached, behind the breasts (which were very much attached to each other; this was not an extension of the cavity). So, lesson learned?

Here are some pictures of our meal:

The turkey after we "carved" it. None of us were absolutely certain on the proper technique. We got meat off and we ate it. That's what counts.


The side dishes: biscuits, crescents, spaghetti squash, collards, cranberry jelly, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, plain dressing, cornbread sausage dressing. There are cookies and a pumpkin pie down below, but I don't think you can see them. Brittany brought the breadstuffs and cookies. And alcohol! Pia brought the spaghetti squash, collards, cranberry, pie, and homemade whipped cream.

High School Nostalgia

Recently I found the autograph book from my senior year at Musselman High School (Go Applemen!) and thought I'd share some of the highlights for y'all.

--"I wish you a husband, children, inner peace - and lots of Dove chocolate."

--"I'll always think of you while enjoying a pu-pu platter & my stick catches fire."

--"P.S. by the way I hope you marry sum1 and have lots of babys and become JEWISH!! MUAH"

--"Don't let that Martha's Vineyard crowd change you."

--"I hope you find a sexy Jewish man."

--"Hannah, my love, the mother of my 5 children."

--"Have a wonderful rest of your life, I'll be in Sweden!"

--"Don't forget to invite me to your wedding on Martha's Vineyard!"

--"Read! Read! Read!" (this teacher was psychic; I never knew until grad school)

--"Oh dear God, I would not have survived without you."

--"You have such a unique personality."

--"Best of luck/Good luck with everything/college/life/the future" x 25

--2 injunctions to reach for the stars (one of those including the stars that are out of reach!)

--"You'll do great/I know you'll be successful in all you do/You have a bright future" x 15

--"I'll miss you" x 14 (most of those from actual friends who I do miss)

--2 signatures from people named Ashley who didn't put their last names; I have no idea which of the 53 Ashleys in my high school those two might have been.

--9 hearts/"love ya!/love always"es from people I barely knew or wasn't really friends with (I have had zero communication - including Facebook - with all of those nine who claimed eternal love)

--10 observations that I'm awesome/nice/sweet/amazing (that one's in there twice)/the best (only once)

--8 appreciative comments from teachers about my excellence and/or perseverance as a student

--4 comments on my humor

Some of these actually seem like still-current assessments of me - the ones about my working hard (actual excellence as a student would now be an overstatement), the ones about me being funny (it's not vain if it's true!), and the bright future ones (I mean, I'm in grad school. Hopefully for another 7 years).

The marriage/Jewish/you're so kind ones are more pleasant memories than realistic comments.

Harry Potter 7.1 (Possible spoilers!)

I am always very sensitive about spoilers, so this post will be a bit cryptic. If you've seen/ read Deathly Hallows, I'm sure you'll understand everything; if you haven't, and I'm not cryptic enough, please forgive me. Know that if you read this, you'll end up knowing how much of the book is in this movie.

I loved this movie. It is definitely my favorite so far (which is not really saying much, because I love all of them). I thought it was really faithful to the book.

Changes I loved:

-The added spell at the beginning (have your Kleenex ready!)

-The way Voldemort knew which Harry was the real one

-The dance

-The Harry and Hermione in the Horcrux

Things I wish they had kept:

-More of Kreacher

-More of Sirius's bedroom

-Harry stealing Mad-Eye's eye

-The scene by the river with Ted Tonks, Griphook, and Dean Thomas

-An explanation of the Taboo; I expect people who haven't read the book might have been slightly confused

-The Potters' house/the sign

-Two different gravestones; I don't want to say exactly which, but if you're familiar with both texts, you probably know which two are missing

-Potterwatch

Biggest complaint: George still had an ear. Did they run out of spirit gum?

Thoughts on 7.2:

-I anticipate one of the aforementioned stones being the opening shot of Deathly Hallows 2.

-I assume they'll make the battle a huge chunk of this film so the fans don't go insane.

-I'm interested in how/if/when they're going to introduce Teddy Lupin.

-I really hope they don't change any of Snape's memories.

Lines from the book that must appear in 7.2, or I will be furious and devastated, in increasing order of my fondness for them:

-"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"

-"After all this time?" "Always."

-"NO!"

The "NO!" is screamed by McGonagall after The Very Tragic Incident. The narration after it reads, "The scream was the more terrible because Harry had never expected or dreamed that Professor McGonagall could make such a sound." McGonagall is far and away my favorite character, and this moment is my favorite in the entire series. I know Maggie Smith would put all the necessary emotions into it, and I've been looking forward to it since the moment I read it.

Also, I'd like to take a moment to appreciate what a phenomenal actor Alan Rickman is. (And hot. But that is not the point right now. Although the shots of him walking into Malfoy Manor? Thank you, David Yates.) That scene at Malfoy Manor was excellent all around, but Alan Rickman was perfection. Per. Fection. The dialogue, his face when he sees Charity Burbage. Stellar.

What I am saying is: go see Deathly Hallows. Now. And then again.

Rain, Rain, Don't Go Away

Many people hate rain. I don't know why. I love rain. I actually prefer rainy days to sunny days, which people insist is depressing. I don't know why people think rain is depressing, either. Here all the reasons I love rain:

1. I wake up on a rainy day and want to drink tea and read. Then I look at my to-do list, and it says, "Drink tea and read for the next 35 years of your life." Convenient.

2. Even if I didn't need to spend the next 35 years of my life drinking tea and reading, I would want to, anyway, and what's more conducive for that than rain?

3. I am writing my thesis on Harry Potter. Rain and Harry Potter are a match made in Heaven.

4. Rain reminds me of England, and I really like England.

5. When it's grey out, I need to turn on lots of lights. It's crap for the environment, of course, but it's so cozy to sit in a well-lit home.

6. Re: number 5, the coziness of a well-lit home makes me think of being at my parents' house, which I only get to do a couple times a year.

7. I live in Alabama. It's November. I want hot chocolate. Since it's rainy, it's cool enough to justify hot chocolate. (Which I just made. I have drunk almost all of it already.)

8. When it's rainy, no one judges you for not wanting to go outside. And I don't always want to go outside (see #2), but when it's sunny and warm (which it usually is; see #7), people are all, "What's wrong with you? It's so beautiful out! Why don't you want to go outside?"

9. If I happen to be in the mood for going outside, I'm more likely to want to play in the rain than to...do whatever people do in the sun.

10. Jumping in puddles is fun.

11. Rain reminds me of being in Massachusetts in August when I was a kid. Not that it always rains in Massachusetts in August, mind. But I have particularly vivid memories of rainy days.

12. In elementary school, rain meant I didn't have to go outside and play at recess; instead I got to stay in and read (or sometimes they showed us movies, which was pretty sweet; if it weren't for rainy days at Back Creek Valley Elementary School, I might never have known about the Olsen twins). Clearly this stayed with me (see #8).

13. Rain reminds me of late autumn in Charleston. We don't need to go into details here.

14. When I was little and we would go up north (usually to Massachusetts, a la #11, but sometimes to New York), it always rained in New Jersey (or, at least, I don't remember it ever being sunny in New Jersey). I always liked Jersey, possibly because one of my favorite teachers was from Jersey, possibly because we usually got to stop at a travel place and have TCBY (or possibly because it is just a good state, no matter what you've been told). Rain reminds me of that.

15. Again with the England and reading and tea.

16. Also, rain boots are fun.

Confession of a Medieval(ism)ist*

It is that time in the semester when we all wander around looking as though we've been beaten repeatedly over the head by rabid penguins so that we no longer know which way is up; our eyes are so ringed from lack of sleep we have to avoid the neighborhood dogs, who have mistaken us for mutant raccoons; we do no remember what our sleep schedules are, and so people like me who ordinarily rise at 6 AM are blogging and purchasing t-shirts at twenty till one.

But, y'all. Check out that shirt! It will be my research shirt, for the library is always so cold. Perhaps it will always be my research shirt - am I likely to ever find a warm library? No. One day, when I have tenure (hahahahahahaha), I will open my drawer and find that shirt - the sleeve hems worn away, the front covered in Java City coffee stains - folded and placed on top the jeans I have worn for every major life event since October 2008 (and recorded each such event in ink on said denim).

You should know that I already have a Chaucer blog shirt. It says, "What am ich, liver y-chopped?" on the front; the back reads, "geoffrey chaucer hath a blog (and ergo vivit) - houseoffame.blogspot.com.***" One day, I will probably own every Chaucer blog shirt. For is there any blog greater on heaven or earth? Probably not. Do I have a life outside of medievalisms? No.

*This is my new scholarly identity for myself. I cannot decide if I am more medievalist** or pop culturalist, and, anyway, those terms are so unwieldy. "I'm a medievalist." "Oh, WOW! So, you study the Middle Ages? Like, all of them?" "Yes. I am an expert in, roughly, an entire millennium. Ask me anything. Know which authors helped King Richard II celebrate New Year's Eve 1384? I do." Alternately, "I'm a pop culturalist." "REALLY?! You know that part in [insert ridiculous movie that no one with any taste, much less scholarly interest, would watch for anything less than the offer of a full professorship with a 1/1 load straight out of graduate school] where [insert actor who will never, ever win an Emmy, now matter how 'totally awesome!' h/she was in the latest totally deep movie about, like, life] does that thing..." "No, I've never seen that movie." "But you said you study pop culture!" So, in the interests of simplifying life for everyone else [read: people keep getting angry because I keep punching them in the teeth], I have invented this term to express the narrowness of my interests. I'm allowed to do this because I'm pursuing a career in the academy. Making up words is part of my job. One day, I'll write an entire book about words I've made up, and my dear wife Catherine will tell all her students that "Wilkes is Middle English for douchebag," and that will be awesome.

**If, somehow, by some tragic mistake of Google, you're looking for an actual blog by an actual medievalist, run away. Google tricked you. I am not what you want. In fact, I'm probably looking for the same blog you're looking for RIGHT NOW. Do you know about Vaunting and Vellum? Another Damned Medievalist? Got Medieval? Go read them. They're funnier than I am, and they're smarter, and they write about medievalism all the time. (And if you find someone different, come back over here and tell me.)

***Go read it. Now. Every time you don't read a post of Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog, God kills a unicorn.

Barlow Girl - "Clothes"

I love this song. A lot. That is all.

Defunct Veganism

Well, gentle* readers, I did not become a week-long vegan. In fact, I became a four-and-a-half-days'-worth vegan. You see, it was to be a cure for my boredom, but then I got bored with it. So I'm back on the meats and the dairies and the eggs, and I'm pleased.
I have learned something from this adventure, though. A lack of animal products in the system does not cause self-righteousness. So self-righteous vegans can help it, and you should hate them.

*I initially wrote "gentil." Sometimes I have trouble with modern English.

This post is not about food.

It's about same-sex marriage!

I have been a passionate supporter of same-sex marriage rights since I was a child. I think I was around 11 when I first learned that same-sex couples couldn't legally marry. No one ever taught me that same-sex couples were any different from heterosexual couples, so I just assumed that the gay couples I knew could also get married and, for whatever reason, had decided not to.

The day I learned this was not the case, I believe marriage equality had been mentioned at church at some point. I definitely remember Mama and I talking about it after church, and I remember her telling me that same-sex couples could only get married in Vermont. (I later learned that civil unions, not marriages, were legal in Vermont, but at 11 that was not a crucial difference.) I have a very clear image of sitting in the front seat of Mama's white Toyota Previa and being alternately so angry and so sad because these couples I knew couldn't get married, whether they wanted to or not.

Ever since then, this has been my a-number-one passionate issue. Anytime I had to give a persuasive speech or write a persuasive paper, I argued for marriage equality. Anytime someone mentioned opposing it, I talked their ear off about why it should be legal. I mean, I would be 12 years old lecturing my entire class about this. And even when I got to high school and became very, very conservative, I never lost my passion for marriage rights. Even as I cheered Bush's re-election and voted for Shelley Moore Capito, currently the only Republican representing West Virginia in Washington, I firmly believed there was no legal basis for keeping same-sex marriages illegal.

It would not be an exaggeration to say that the one thing I want most in life is to see all fifty states legalize same-sex marriage. So, needless to say, I am ecstatic about Prop 8 being overturned. This is so much more than a state legalizing marriage equality. This is the law telling the people that their decision to go to the polls two years ago full of hatred and discrimination and a clear disregard for the separation of church and state was unconstitutional and unacceptable. And that is huge. I think this will go the Supreme Court, and I truly believe the Supreme Court will uphold the ruling to overturn Prop 8. And that will be the greatest day of my life.

Week-long Vegan Adventure: Day Four

For breakfast, I had French toast again, only I put peaches on top instead of bananas (as you can clearly see). Still amazing.

I forgot to take a picture of lunch, but I'll try to explain it properly. Last night, I set aside some noodles before stir-frying the rest with the veggies et al. I took the set-aside noodles and mixed them with hot oil, sesame oil, and sesame seeds. There is a restaurant back home that serves cold sesame noodles I would be more than happy to live on for the rest of my life. These weren't as good as those, but they were pretty good. I also had a salad: spinach, strawberries, mushrooms, tomatoes, pecans, and oil and vinegar. Pretty tasty.


Dinner. Least-aesthetically appealing dish ever, right? I need to work on my plating. It's corn on the cob, drizzled with olive oil (no butter, of course) and brown rice with saffron, rice, basil, and olive oil stirred in.
Gross.
Okay, now, these are some of my favourite foods. I was so excited about it. But I discovered a problem. Brown rice is not delicious without butter. I actually knew this, but I had forgotten. I then discovered another problem (and verified with Google): corn on the cob does not keep for a week in the refrigerator. In fact (according to Google), it only keeps well for around 3 days.

So I am going to do one of three things:
1. Go get some cereal and fruit.
2. Go make some popcorn (turns out Kettle Korn is vegan!).
3. Go get some toast and fruit.

Week-long Vegan Adventure, Day Three

This morning, I ate left-overs from last night's dinner for breakfast. (Again, no picture. It looked pretty similar to last night's picture, just all in the same bowl.) After all that heavy-tasting beans and rice, I wanted some lighter flavours today.


For lunch, I had another sandwich. It was toasted bread brushed with olive oil and sandwiching (see what I did there?) spinach, tomatoes, avocado, and mushrooms.


For dinner I made...something Asian. It was loosely inspired by the Pad Thai recipe in my cursing cookbook, but mostly I made it up as I went. I have a problem with Asian food. It is my very, very favoutie type of cuisine - Indian, Korean, Vietnamese, Japanese, Thai, Chinese, Mongolian, probably Filipino/Burnese/Indonesian/other Asian countries whose food I've never sampled, too - but I have a lot of trouble recreating it at home. I'm getting better. This was pretty tasty, but I wouldn't necessarily identify it as any one easily recognized Asian dish.
What it is:
Thai rice noodles, stir-fried with tofu, thin-sliced red onion and red pepper, julienned carrots, a sauce, and sesame seeds, and topped with tomatoes and avocado. The sauce was agave nectar, coconut oil, catsup, mushroom soy sauce, peanut butter, rice milk, and chili oil. It was pretty good, in the end. I had to tinker with it some, because the peanut butter and soy sauce made it pretty salty at first. I marinated the tofu in that before frying it.
I'm beginning to have an issue with coconut oil. The cookbook I'm using suggests frying things in coconut oil instead of olive oil. According to the skinny bitches, olive oil can release free radicals when it reaches high temperature. Whatever. I decided to follow their instructions, though. But there is a problem with the coconut oil: it tastes very strongly of coconut. Now I like coconut. In fact, I love it. But there is a time and a place for coconut flavour, and every bite I put in my mouth. I'll continue working on this.

Week-long Vegan Adventure: Day Two

Breakfast this morning was cereal with fruit and rice milk, so I didn't take a picture. If you're having trouble with a visual, let me help: rice milk looks identical to cow milk. Okay.


Lunch was this lovely sandwich. It had hummus, spinach, cucumber, red onion, tomato, and avocado. It was good. I ate it with pistachios, pickles, and the best part about living in Alabama: Buffalo Rock Ginger Ale.


For dinner, I had Amerimex food. Rice, pintos, and homemade salsa, with a side of fresh corn salsa, some black olives, and, of course, hot sauce. A disclaimer on the first salsa: although I made it in my own kitchen, it is not made from scratch, per se. By which I mean that the tomatoes and chilis came out of cans. I need to learn how to can so I can make fresh salsa while I still have fresh summer tomatoes at my disposal.

Week-long Vegan Adventure: Day One

Due to a combination of boredom and curiosity, I've decided to spend this week vegan. (Just the food. I'm not paying much attention to the clothes - although I'm pretty sure it's too warm for any of my leather or angora clothes, anyway.) By boredom, I don't mean that I twiddle my thumbs all day. I just really, really like change, and my life has been pretty unchanging since the summer began. Plus, I love grocery shopping and cooking. Curiosity-wise, I want to see if I feel any different due to a lack of meat, dairy, and eggs in my system.

So yesterday, Brandi and I went up to Birmingham to shop at Whole Foods (which is a very cool store, albeit expensive for some items), and I am all stocked up on veggies and tofu and the like.

I feel the need to clarify that I'm not actually interested in the vegan diet or lifestyle. I think animals are delicious, and while I don't like the way they're treated on a lot of farms, I don't feel bad eating them. I don't think it's creepy to drink cow's milk. And I don't particularly feel that it's unhealthy to eat animal products as part of a balanced diet (but we'll see; that's the curiosity part). I do try to avoid eating lots of processed stuff, and I prefer my food to be fresh, if not organic.

But this week, my food is all animal-free, and I've decided to chronicle my last summer adventure for you.

This is the cookbook I'm using. I bought it because it is kind of snarky and has a lot of swearing, so I feel more comfortable with it. I'm not cooking every meal out of a cookbook - I can make vegetables and rice all by myself. But I am using it some, because it has some tasty-looking things.

This was my breakfast this morning - French toast with pecans, bananas, and agave nectar. The book's recipe was for pecan-encrusted French toast, but I couldn't get the pecans to stick, so I toasted them separately and ate them on top. It was delicious, and I kind of want to spend the rest of my life eating it.

This was dinner - vegetable couscous with portobello mushrooms and peas. I seared corn on the cob, squash, and onions, chopped it all up, stirred it into the couscous, and had the 'bellos on top and the peas on the side. It was good, but I'd have rather had steak. Alas!

Just a Quick Trip Down Narcissism Lane

I used to love doing these things, so I thought I would do one on here so y'all could (not) enjoy it.

When was the last time you felt like just disappearing?
Saturday at approximately 12.47 PM, which is an excellent time to disappear.

Are you missing anyone right now?
Hm...nope. I think everyone is accounted for.

Can you honestly say that you're happy?
Yes. Everything about life fills me with glee. Except the flies in my kitchen.

Plans for tomorrow?
Work, cook, read, conquer Guam.

Do you wish somebody would call you right now?
No. I never wish that; I hate talking on the phone.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Who decides whether or not someone should or should not be on my mind? I'd like to have a word with him or her about letting me make my own decisions.

Do you like babe or baby more?
I like punching people who call me "babe" even more than I like punching people who call me "baby." That's what you were asking, right?

Do you have a best friend?
I do. She is far far away. Sad.

Who were you with the last time you went to the mall?
Myself, as per usual.

Have you eaten today?
I have. I am eating a sourdough pretzel right now.

Are you currently fighting with someone?
No, but that could be fun.

Have you ever laughed at something that wasn't meant to be funny?
All the time - arrests, divorce, murder....the usual.

Do you think your past mistakes made you into a better person?
No. I think realizing that they were mistakes made me into a better person. And I think that's what you really meant, too, question-writer.

Has the last person you kissed ever been mad at you?
I doubt it very much.

Are you a patient person?
Not in the slightest.

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
I seem to be, except that my hair is shorter.

Do you want to know the date of your death?
Yup.

Was last night terrible?
Yes. I watched "Seeing Red." [TARA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO]

Do you have a Facebook?
Am I breathing?

This time last year, what was your relationship status?
What is my relationship status always? Happily single.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
I'm sure. Who wouldn't be?

Do you believe your ex cares about you?
Of course. It's scientifically impossible to stop caring about me. I had it arranged.

Ever wanted something, got it, and then no longer wanted it?
You bet. Usually chocolate.

Is your last name longer than 6 letters?
No. It is exactly 6 letters.

What was the last thing you wore that was black?
The T-shirt I'm wearing right now.

Last person you were in a car with besides family?
Elizabeth? Maybe?

What woke you up this morning?
My phone, 40 minutes after it was supposed to.

What happened a year ago today?
Sarah turned 22.

Do you have a mirror in your room?
Possibly. I think there is a tiny one in the back of my jewelry box.

Has someone ever called you at midnight on your birthday?
If they have, I've never answered.

What would you say if your last ex came up to you and said "I'm sorry"?
"Yes, you are. Now go away."

I’ve come to realize that, I love:
Spike.

I've come to realize that, I have:
to stop buying sourdough pretzels because they have too many calories.

I've come to realize that, I hate how:
many teenagers think Edward Cullen is a good boyfriend. He's not, children. He's a really bad boyfriend.

Do you think if you died, that the last person you kissed would even care?
No.

Let me guess, your last incoming call was from the opposite sex?
It's very possible.

Where did you get that shirt you're wearing?
Target, where I get all my clothing.

Do you believe in second chances?
Sure.

Can you go a day without thinking about the person that's on your mind now?
I'm certain I can. Mainly because there's no one on my mind right now.

Have you cried this week at all?
Nah.

Do you have any candles in your room?
No, they're all in my living room.

Ever done something you regretted tremendously?
I sure have.

Have you kissed the last person you texted?
Yes, I kiss my Mama when I see her.

What’s one thing you really want right now?
A ginger ale.

Do you trust your gut instincts?
Yes, but I rarely follow them. Which is dumb, because they're always right.

Why is it so hard to let go?
Of what?

Do you ever get paranoid when someone reads your texts?
No. What do you think I'm texting, huh? What are you saying about me?

Do you tend to hold things against people?
No, what fun would that be?

Anything bothering you right now?
Yes. My stomach is slightly upset.

What do you hear right now?
Clickety clackety click click keys.

Are you wanting any tattoos at the moment?
Not right now, except for Anna Banana's and my butyric acid one.

Does anything on your body itch right now?
Yes. I have a mosquito bite.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
Brandi. But we were texting, of course, 'cause...ew...actual conversation.

Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
God, I hope not.

Don't tell me lies, have you been under the influence in the past 24 hours?
Of life. [BAM.]

Do you think things will change in the next few months?
Sure.

Were you single on your last birthday?
I was indeed.

How many people can you trust with just about everything?
I don't know. I've never tested it.

Last night, you felt?
TARA NOOOOOOOOOO

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
TARA NOOOOOOOOOO

What are you stressed out about?
TARA NOOOOOOOOOO

Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
I hope so. I am at work.

What time did you wake up this morning?
Sometime horribly late. After 8.

What are you thinking about now?
Lady Gaga.

Will tomorrow be better than today?
How on earth should I know?

Have you ever snuggled with someone you weren't dating?
Of course.

Do you like silver or gold better?
Whichever has the higher value at the time, of course.

What's something that bothers you about girls?
Which girls? This is much too broad.

Would you ever dye you hair blonde?
I doubt it.

How long until your next birthday?
A little over 7 months.

Have you ever had a panic attack?
Not a real one.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I kind of hope not. That seems like an awful lot of responsibility.

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
Have we met? I don't have feelings.

Is there someone you need to get things clear with?
Dumbledore. We need to talk some more about that prophecy.

This time last year, can you remember who you had feelings for?
No. 'Cause with me, and the feelings, and the not.

Do you believe ex's can be friends?
I don't see why not.

Why did you last cry?
TARA DON'T GO

Who knows you best?
God, presumably.

Do you keep a lot of items for their sentimental value?
Yes DON'T TELL.

Name three objects within your reach?
Water, Gatorade, phone.